The Five Loves

1. We met several times--more times than I can remember. Every time we met, I was in the shotgun of my mom's car. She was always driving, and we would always be going somewhere mundane. I would see you from out the window, and I would only look at you for a few seconds until I was certain that I saw all there was to see. I never liked what I saw, so I avoided looking at you. It wasn't until one cold night in December that I finally gave you the time of day. Curiosity finally killed the cat. I looked at you for a few more seconds than usual, and then I was captured--I couldn't look away. I stared. Your story made me feel alive. From then on I decided to never judge so quickly again.

2. You are a family friend, and I didn't know it until that fateful trip to that one lake in Washington. You and your family greeted me, and from then on the time spent with you became a cherished memory. I like to spend time with you, whenever I want to be reminded.

3. When I think of you, I think of that feeling you get when your favorite character in a book dies. I always knew you had a story, and that story keeps changing. Even though you make me cry, I still seek you out because we've known each other too long. I guess I like that feeling you give me, in a strange sort of way. You make me feel alive. Human, even. I always come back for more.

4. Every time I see you I want to throw something at the wall. I'm always so conflicted when we talk. You remind me of both good things and bad things. And yet, I wouldn't take back a single moment I spent with you. I remember singing in the car with you on the way to practice ACT testing. It was around October, and I was close to tears. They were conflicted tears. When I was with you, I felt like I was one with the human race. We were together in our sorrows--we were sad about the same thing. Thanks for being a story to rely on.

5. I pretend not to like you. I keep you a secret from everyone--you're the story I'll take to my grave. Even though I lie to myself and say mean things about you in my head, I don't always convince myself. We meet in secret more than we should, and every time we're almost caught it makes me feel like I just cheated death. My cheeks flush and I try to contain that joyful song in my heart; it's quicker than I gave it credit for, and so far it's been impossible to catch and keep quiet. I'll never stop loving that feeling.

Every one of you has changed me. I want you to know that.

This has been me describing my five favorite songs, five loves, and the memories attached.

1. Princess of China - Coldplay
2. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab for Cutie
3. The Scientist - Coldplay
4. Like a Song - Lenka
5. Diamonds - Steam Powered Giraffe